One More Cup of Coffee

Six times in the past three weeks, I nearly deleted this blog.  I enjoy writing, and I like the idea that some small scrap of whatever I say may benefit someone in some small way, but whenever I get the feeling that someone is really reading what I say, I run.  I’m terribly shy.  It’s very self-defeating.  

I’ve terminated five or six blogs for this very reason.  The moment I see spikes in the stats or comments start rolling in, I get nervous and close down shop.  If colleagues or friends start mentioning something I wrote about, I shrink.  Anyone who has stuck around for more than a year has seen this.

But I’m about to turn 30.  If I’ve learned anything at all, it’s that if something is making you feel bad, it might be a good idea to actually face it instead of running off.  So, I’ll be keeping the doors open.

Sorry for being a weenie.

Transition

It was announced today that Stack Overflow is getting ready to move into new terrirtory, and I’m very excited to say that I’m going to be a part of that.  As of a couple days ago, I am an official employee.  Fog Creek has been fantastic to me — and there’s nothin’ saying that I won’t be back there at some point — but for now, I’ve got a whole new foundation to pour.

We recently released Kiln to the wild (and Joel wrote a great tutorial to go with it).  The Kiln mascot is a Dodo, so it was only fitting to give Dodo-like plush dolls to the employees at the launch party.  I was able to snag an extra one, and gave one to each daughter.

Ella loves it.

Last night I attended the Fog Creek holiday party, which was fantastic.  Great food, great people, and a great parting gift.  I also have a slight hangover - my first in a long time.  It is not proper to mix whiskey and wine.  That should be a commandment.

My landlord has informed us that we will be without water for at least 24 hours while they repair some pipes downstairs.

According to the news this morning, we should expect up to a foot of snow.

A perfect storm?  ;-)

Early Resolutions

Next year is about restriction and reduction, so that I may focus on what’s important.  Some ideas:

1. No more new books, at least those of the non-fictional variety.  I have way too many under-studied texts on my shelves, and need to soak up what they offer instead of running after the next idea that catches my mind
2. Get rid of books that I don’t need.  I listed over 100 books this morning on Amazon.  There comes a point where you know that you won’t be needing all of them any longer
3. No more cushion jumping.  I’ve spent the last three years exploring various contemplative traditions, and it is now time to stick with one and only one method

On Getting Things Done

When you have two newborns in the house and you still wanna kick ass and take names, you have to set goals if you wanna make a dent.

Today’s must-do tasks:

1. floss teeth
2. clip finger nails

After having heroically met those challenges, I know that nothing can stop me.

From Alison to Shawn:

When I see this picture, I think of you and Gorsuch.

My girls just turned two months old.  Thank you for showing me what it’s about.

My parents (the new grandparents) left this morning after helping us out for a week.  Damn it, I miss them.

To My Daughters

[note: this was originally written over at Styled Bits, but since I’m moving personal stuff away, I am republishing here.]

Dear Ava Grace and Ella Cole,

You were both born on September 30th, 2009, a day that I won’t forget.  I am writing this short post to the two of you to both remind me as to how important that day was to me, and to maybe even serve as a small springboard of hope for you as you grow older.  Please remember that your father often fumbles for his words, and those that I will use below will be inadequate but hopefully good enough.

Upon your birth, I was given the opportunity to immediately meet you while the doctors tended to your mother.  As I walked over to the tables where you tasted our atmosphere for the first time, and looked upon you, something changed.  For a brief moment, I saw, in the two of you, the very essence of all that ever was, is, or will be.  I didn’t see the two of you as two separate newborns, or as belonging to me, but as an expression of existence itself.  Through the two of you I caught a glimpse of the transcendent, a game of hide and seek that I’ve been playing for my whole life.

The implications, for me, are profound.  I will never again be the same, and have you to thank for that.  I can only hope that, through fatherhood, I can show you how important that you all are.

Fourth Wedding Anniversary

[note: this was originally published on Styled Bits, but has been moved to here since I am no longer hosting my more personal writings there.]

Brooke and I celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary today [originally posted on September 24th, 2009], making it worthy of a little reflection.

Throughout this year, I have thought more and more about how much the ideas of love and marriage have varied from what I originally thought of them.  When I was younger (and without a lot of experience) love was binary – you were either in love or you weren’t.  I thought that marriage was sort of a way of saying that the switch has been on for long enough for both of us, proving that we’re a good fit, and that we’d therefore be great candidates for marriage.

But it’s far different from that.  The best analogy I can come up with is that of the adytum or a temple; it is something that you actively build together.  It’s multi-dimensional and living.  It expands and contracts.  I wish I had grasped that earlier, as it would have probably have made things easier for both of us.  But I think I’m starting to see it now.

If I consider our love as a temple, with each and every action like a sacrament, something more appropriate and adult emerges.  The foundations must be constantly tended to, repairing the weaker or broken parts if need be, before the Spirit can ever dwell within.  Every act is Holy.

I look forward to our fifth and each one that follows.